Author Q & A

What is the significance of the book title?

I'm a big fan of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and other Seattle bands that made it big in the early '90s. (And some that didn't make it big!) I've long been obsessed with the song "Come As You Are." One interpretation is that the song is about heroin, and that's probably true. But Kurt Cobain also described this song as "about people, and what they're expected to act like." The lyrics are intentionally full of contradictions and confusing, just as people often are.

For me, this song is about acceptance of self. The person you remember yourself to be and reconciling that image with who you are now. We change when we become parents, and there's sometimes a tinge of sorrow involved in that. Sorrow over what has been lost, dreams that have to be abandoned when we grow up. There has to be a reconciliation with the past and lots of self-compassion in order to become the most loving parent we can be. 

At least, that's what I took from this song as inspiration for my novel about two best friends who are torn apart by his drug addiction as well as lost dreams, and then need to come together again as parents.

You lived in Seattle during the early '90s, which is the backdrop for much of this novel. Were you part of the grunge music scene?

No, I was pushing a baby stroller by then! But music has always been a huge part of my life, an escape and a way to express my emotions without talking about them. 

Going to hole-in-the-wall clubs to see no-name bands, just to feel the beat pulse in my veins and share my love of music with the band and the audience, was what I lived for in college. I was a misfit, like Skye and Zane, and this is how I connected with others. My small group of friends and I spent many nights on sticky dancefloors where there might only be only a dozen or so people in the audience. It didn't matter if there was a big crowd because connecting with the band was enough.

Skye and Zane start out as best friends in their teens. They love each other but are clear that sex is a line they won't cross. What changes that?

The loneliness and confusion of grief sometimes brings people closer and sometimes tears them apart. Both these things happen when Skye's sister dies in a tragic accident. Best friends become lovers, a mistake they agree won't happen again. When Skye becomes pregnant and decides to keep the baby, though, that complicates everything. Suddenly, their relationship involves another person and they must figure out how to become a family. 

Skye is seventeen when she becomes pregnant and Zane is an immature nineteen. How do both of them grow-up--or not--when they become parents?

They try and take care of each other emotionally, as they have always done--that's not new. But when Zane has to give up his dream of moving to L.A. and signing a recording deal, that takes a toll on their relationship. They both want to be good to each other, and be good parents, but they aren't equipped to do that. 

There's also a secret about Skye's sister Lauren's death that they share. It eats away at them, eventually tearing them apart in a way that seems irreconcilable. They separate and don't speak for six years. 

Why do Skye and Zane reunite?

When Skye's father dies, she realizes there are things she needed to say to him that she'll now never have the opportunity to say. She also realizes that Montana, her daughter, needs to reconnect with her father--not for Zane's sake, but for Montana's sake.

Skye is engaged to a man she and Montana both love, and she has no intention of rekindling her romantic relationship with Zane. She's not even certain they can be friends. But she is determined that they will learn to be good parents together. Zane has other ideas, though!

What do you want readers to take away from Come As You Are?

This story is about reconciling with the past to build a better future for our children. It's about the dreams we give up and the new ones that take their place.